Experts advise against common phrases when supporting postpartum parents

Maternal mental-health disorders affect about one-fifth of U.S. women after childbirth, and many mothers feel judged during the perinatal period. Reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Sarah Oreck said perinatal mental health should be treated like any other medical condition. Licensed therapist Chelsea Solorzano, psychologist Julia Alzoubaidi and other experts highlighted specific remarks that can unintentionally increase stress.

Comments such as “sleep when the baby sleeps” or “just wait until the four-month sleep regression” imply that a mother’s struggles are a personal failure. Solorzano suggested asking about the mother’s actual sleep duration and offering concrete help, while Kimberly Meehan recommended reframing “just wait” statements to focus on positive milestones.

Phrases like “enjoy every moment” or “at least the baby is healthy” were criticized for dismissing the reality of exhaustion, hormonal changes, or traumatic birth experiences. Alzoubaidi warned that reassuring a mother solely about the baby’s health can invalidate her feelings and delay needed assistance.

Other common remarks—asking about future siblings, insisting “breast is best,” or offering a vague “let me know if you need anything”—were described as overlooking the mother’s immediate needs and mental load. Experts advised offering specific support, such as bringing a prepared meal, and asking open-ended questions about the family’s overall well-being.

The article also noted warning signs of postpartum psychosis, including severe mood swings, confusion, and unusual beliefs. Alzoubaidi emphasized that unusual behavior should be treated as a potential emergency and that loved ones should encourage professional help without attempting to diagnose.

Overall, the experts urged a “village” approach: check in regularly, listen without judgment, and provide tangible assistance, recognizing that postpartum challenges can persist for months or years.